Sincerely ,

Insomnia.

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 02:14:58 -0400

There’s never enough sleeping pills.

” I’ve always been here ” Just, love this....

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 15:01:47 -0400

” I’ve always been here ”

Just, love this. Even thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.

Declawed.

Fri, 08 Feb 2013 13:08:14 -0500

This is the second time now I’ve had a dream where I’m masturbating. How is it even my sexy dreams are boring?!

Shit. Fuck. Cock. Balls.

Tue, 15 Jan 2013 20:34:07 -0500

I’m not great at change.

But you wouldn’t know that with the year I’ve had.

All since November I’ve gotten engaged. Gotten a new car. Moved in a new home, that my fiance owns. Gotten a tiny puppy. and drum roll please…tomorrow I start my new job in a completely different field than I’ve been working in the last 4+ years.

Change is good, or so they say. But what do they say about so much change at once? My hope is good things but time will be the judge. My only hope is that the verdict be in my favor. I have no room for complaint, it’s all been postive. I only wish my life would stop spinning and let me catch up.

My insides are tied in knots and no matter how many deep breaths I take I never feel like I’ve inhaled.

Hello 2013

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 23:40:04 -0500

I have the normal litany of New Years resolutions. Eat better, lose weight, drink less, you know the ones.

But really all I resolve to do this year, really, is to let go of regrets and anxieties and be happy with my beautiful, blessed life.

Let do this thing.

🍁🍂🌿💍!!! @andrewborel (at Columbia Gorge)

Sat, 03 Nov 2012 18:04:09 -0400

🍁🍂🌿💍!!! @andrewborel (at Columbia Gorge)

San Fransico, I love it.

Mon, 17 Sep 2012 14:21:05 -0400

San Fransico, I love it.

testing 1, 2, 69

Fri, 31 Aug 2012 20:29:00 -0400

I’m going to start smiling more. For a week. Just test it out to see what happens. Smile when i’m annoyed, at strangers, when I want to scream..I’m just going to smile.

Hey, was it you house we stayed at in Portland?!?

Mon, 27 Aug 2012 01:26:03 -0400

Wow, sorry this took me forever to write back. I’m not as tumblr savvy as I am with other things. Yes! You did stay at my house. I hope you enjoyed Portland :)

"I wish I still had my California license plate so people would expect me to drive like an asshole..."

Tue, 31 Jul 2012 10:26:08 -0400

“I wish I still had my California license plate so people would expect me to drive like an asshole and know I’m better than them.”

- Nicky T

Photo

Sun, 22 Jul 2012 00:25:07 -0400

This is not my beautiful life?

Sun, 22 Jul 2012 00:24:14 -0400

I miss waking up with friends, or the occasional good-looking stranger. Spending the morning trying to piece together the previous night. Getting Burritos. Giggling.

Shit, I miss just having friends.

simple luxuries.

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 23:02:38 -0400

One of the downfalls about my new housing arrangement is that you can look from the street directly into my bathroom.

This completely rules out peeing with the door opening. Let alone any other bathroom shenanigans I want to get into. Examples include but are not limited to face masks, strange creams to remove facial hair, doing my make up in the nude. I work to hard not to be able to pee with the goddamn door open in my own home!

You know I mean? You do don’t you. Thanks.

" Look them in the eye, they love that "

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 22:42:00 -0400

Yesterday I took an Intro to Burlesque class with a friend. Overall an empowering, body positive experience.

The group was comprised of ladies all ages, shapes and sizes. To get started we went around and said a few words about why we picked this class. The last lady said she wanted to feel less silly in the bedroom. As someone who has always wanted to own lingerie but has never had the balls, or shall I say Brazilian waxed vagina, this resinated. I can’t imagine surprisingly the man in my life by ’ slipping into something more comfortable ’ . Once standing there exposed, stretch marks and cellulite, what than? I’m ravish? I bite the my finger tip? Really Though ! Somehow this going smoothly has never felt like an option in my life.

In class I overheard a older lady mention to a friend that hoped this would ignite a few sparks in the marriage. She followed this up by saying she thought she had a few more good years left in her. The odd part was that I got that, I feel that same way, half this women’s age, unmarried. A large women unassociated with the mentioned exchange, wearing the fucking hottest set of lingerie, pipped in ” Honey, you’re a women. You’ve always got it.”

Perhaps I should send out the search party.

its hot out.

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 22:25:07 -0400

its hot out.

That morning I’d lost my bike wheel. I was so goddamn hung over...

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 18:30:00 -0400

That morning I’d lost my bike wheel. I was so goddamn hung over that I had simply forgotten to put it in the car with the rest of the bike.

So there I am, scrambling around town trying to get a bike wheel for our ride. Did I ever tell you that? With little time to spare I completed this task and made it to your house.

I remember being terrified riding through downtown. I had failed to mention my bike skills rivaled that of a small child, but without the help of training wheels. I labored up small hills no thanks to the gears I had no idea how to work. All the while you smiled and mentioned nothing of my inexpertise. How absolutely sweet of you.

We made it to our destination. A picturesque, secluded area by the river, and cracked PBRs. You talked, I mostly listened and smiled all the while thinking you were way out of my league. As luck would have it you weren’t, or at least you thought you weren’t and this would be our first bike ride of many.

When I’m feeling particularly nostalgic I like to think about a similar ride we took. I remember it was late – riding home from dancing. We stopped to lie around on the dock. I remember us whimsing about marriage and me saying something to the effect of “I do”. Really, I don’t think this was whimsy at the time.

Now, I can’t imagine being out that late dancing on a weeknight. I would not stop to admire the night sky because I’d be too concerned with getting home at a reasonable hour. In all the pictures I have of our time together I have this big smile on my face. Not that generic smile I have on my face in all the other pictures that catalog my lifetime. But this big, genuinely happy grin. It makes me both smile and bring tears to my eyes to reflect on this now.

Hey! I'll be in Portland on July 10th playing a show at Plan B. I have no idea where that is in relation to where you live. Also be playing Eugene and Salem but hopefully our paths will cross soon! Miss you and hope all is well on your end of the mental health treatment world both professional and personal. - Andy

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 00:34:53 -0400

Andy!

I can’t wait to see your band play..and see you! I hope your able to get a drink. you’re MORE THEN WELCOME to stay with me . I will say I am pretty boring during the week but I’d be happy to have you.

I hope you’re well!

the lil' things.

Tue, 26 Jun 2012 00:16:00 -0400

Today I was walking around the house holding an otter-pop to my face. Andrew takes one look at me and says ” Baby did you burn your mustache off again? ” .

And thus, the evolution of love.

Story for Moms Birthday

Sun, 24 Jun 2012 22:58:58 -0400

Troll Hair

Buns have come back in style…why? Always one to adhere to new tends I thought – what the hell I’ll give it a go. I got of the shower, hair wet, and combed it all out. I stared to put it up. Bumps.Everywhere. So I got a smaller comb and started this agonizing process again to little avail. My arms started to hurt, ach even. I could just not get it up.

It was then I remembered sitting down with you as you worked tirelessly to get my hair into those ponytails. An arsenal of products; comb, detangler, spray water bottle. But most of your expertise and patients. Thank you for always taking care of me. I love you mom.

Photo

Sat, 19 May 2012 15:32:00 -0400