As I was shopping I noticed this beautiful lady - my age shopping along side me. I tried to go about my business but kept getting distracted by her. I deicded it best I move to another part of the store so I’d stop feeling bad about myself and get my shopping done. Feeble attempt on my part. I bumped into her later to find her with a cart of all the good shit. And flower. I love flowers. I want to be the person buying flowers.
I evaluated my cart haul. discarded a few items in an attempt to save money and headed out all the while cursing myself.
It’s bad to compare, I know. I have it pretty good. One day I’ll be the one with flowers in my cart.
BFF thanksgiving. So thankful for family.
I’m going through my Shazam tags when I notice I’ve shazamed Wang Chungs, Everybody Have Fun Tonight. Wow Ana…..It has the fucking name of the band, in the hook.
I decide to listen to it a la Spotify. I haven’t even belt out an ‘everybody have fun tonight’ when a friend texts me saying simply “Wang Chung?”. Spotify is always selling me down the river. I have made peace with the fact it must broadcast things like ” Ana has listened to Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus 15 times. On repeat.” but this seemed like a new low. I quickly turned my session back to “private” and ignore the text.
I finish the candy bar I’ve deemed breakfast, look down at my pink valour pajamas and it suddenly becomes overwhelming clear that I need to get my shit together.
I mean who doesn’t know who sings Everybody Have Fun Tonight?
I walk out of the bathroom stall and like any good citizen, wash my hands.
Finishing up I realize to my horror that my dress is tucked into my nylons. Locking eyes with the lady next to me I feel myself flush red. She knows. It is at that very moment, as she’s ties her hair up, I notice that she has her belly button pierced and that I have nothing to be ashamed of.
Over the weekend I had the pleasure of taking my now senior citizen parents to a big wine tasting event. Being up in age, they don’t get out often. Needless to say, this was a big deal. They wasted no time getting down to the business of sampling. In a flash it seemed as though I was living some kind of freaky friday remake. There I am, sober as a nun as I watch my parents getting more and more tanked.
It’s the 15th time my mother has told me that she enjoyed the California Pinot that I excuse myself to the rest room. As I walk down the hall I can hear my father over the roar of the festival telling a winery representative that “This is the best God damn wine I’ve tried all night”.
There should’ve been a number of cues for me that it was time to get going. Ultimately, it was my father who made the call. He nudges me with two fistfuls of complimentary festival wine glasses. ” Lets grab as many of these as we can and get the hell out of here ” He asserts bee-lineing it out the door. I nod, pick up a few glasses, and we flee.
The apple, as they say, has fallen directly under the tree. As I watch my 60+ year old father - arms outstreched “flying” through the parking and professing his excitiment over our evening - I couldn’t be happier.
Suite seats? What a wonderful Wednesday surprise!! Go Rip City! #ripcity #theblessedlife (at Moda Center at The Rose Quarter)
Fozzie VS. Fozzie #fozziebear #crazydogmom
Things they don’t tell you about getting married
It’s the most important & happiest day of your life!
I just need to write a little bit about some of the misconceptions about the wedding process.
The bride is beautiful - Of course she is, she’s been on some crazy diet that causes her to fly off the handles or fume silently if anyone eats anything in-front of her. Oh and she’s working out so much the gym attendants think she’s losing her mind.
The groom will become utterly useless in the wedding process. No, you’re not alone, something strange happens to adult males when they start to plan a wedding. They turn in to full blown children unable to lift a finger or make any decision. Chances are you’ll laugh about this later but they better not so much as chuckle because that shit is not funny in the moment. I’ll take this time to tell you I almost threw my lap top across the room when my husband suggest we walk back down the isle to Andrew WK - Party Hard. Normal, non-bride Ana sees’ the humor here.
You think you’re going to eat your heart out at the reception to reward yourself for a job well done - no. The stress doesn’t disapate that quickly and chances are you wont feel like eating. Champagne becomes a blessing and a curse. Fast forward to me insisting my friend pour champagne in my mouth from crystal toasting goblets…now immortalized in many pictures.
The stress, how do I even describe? I was a social worker for years and that was stressful. Like rip your hair out and cry stressful. Wedding stress it a whole new ball game. While I didn’t feel more stressed then my time in social work I felt stressed in a whole new way. I was holding on to a ton of stress in my body in a way I never had in my life. After the wedding I came down with the flu for a week - it’s not fucking flu season. My body just gave out.
Friends will disappoint you and/or get on your nerves. Someone you hoped would come, doesn’t show. Contrastly, your husbands best friend calls you during your pre-wedding photo session and asks if he can drink the bottle of wine in your fridge before your brunch wedding begins at 10:30am. Go fuck yourself. I held out until that very moment to be free of “Bridezilla” behavior. It was then that I ripped the phone out of my fiancés hand excused myself from the pictures and explained with copious expletives that if he touched that wine he should not bother coming to the wedding.
But like magic…..your procession song begins to play and all the physco thoughts and stress disappears like the morning fog to reveal your beautiful day.
There’s never enough sleeping pills.